


Arachnophobia

by lasersheith



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dark Humor, He's definitely dead, Humor, Hunk POV, I know what it sounds like but i promise no one is dead, M/M, Misunderstandings, except the spider, non-graphic imaginary violence, shiro and keith are married and have a baby and a beautiful domestic life together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-03 04:13:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17276873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lasersheith/pseuds/lasersheith
Summary: Hunk's a bit of a busybody. It's not that he's a bad person, he just enjoys knowing everyone's business. Being a gossip isn't a crime.Murder definitely is, though.or- Shiro is deathly afraid of spiders and eliminates them with extreme prejudice. He maybe should have closed that window first, though.“It's a… it was a…” Keith can't talk because he can barely breathe and Hunk's only saving grace is that Shiro looks even more embarrassed than he feels.Shiro sighs and crosses his arms. “There was a, a spider. In the bedroom.”The officer cracks a smile. Shiro's face goes so red it's almost purple. “It was a really big spider, ok!?”“It really wasn't!” Keith gasps, body wracking with laughter.





	Arachnophobia

**Author's Note:**

> based off [this tweet](https://twitter.com/kittymill5/status/1080386565136773120) proving yet again why I stan Australia forever.

Hunk's walked past the Shirogane household every day for the last few years. They're usually a quiet, normal family: an older guy with abs of steel and a hitherto-assumed heart of gold, his husband who would absolutely fix your car but might also stab you, and their adorable toddler. 

He's seen them out and about, running errands, playing in the yard. They always go overboard on holiday decorations but Hunk's always liked that about them even if the rest of the HOA thinks it's tacky. The tall, buff guy always seems so nice and Hunk can't recall ever hearing him yell or even raise his voice, not even while trying to corral a 4 year old into a car seat. 

He's yelling now, though. It sends shivers down Hunk's spine. 

“WHY. WON'T. YOU. DIE.” 

He's yelling it over and over again and the kid is screaming and Hunk can hear the  _ thud  _ of something heavy pounding into the floor through the cracked bedroom window. His phone is in his hand and he's hiding behind some bushes before he realizes he's not on the sidewalk anymore. 

“Hello, 911. What is your emergency?” The operator's voice is calm. 

“Uh hi. Yeah. I have, I have a big emergency.” Hunk is decidedly less calm, bordering on panic. “I think my neighbor is killing his husband.” 

“What is your location?” She's still way too calm considering what Hunk's just told her but he stammers out the address and she dispatches a team. He stays on the line and gives her more information. 

He doesn't know them well. They've been neighbors for three years. Shiro always brings egg salad to the neighborhood barbeques and Hunk blames himself for not realizing he was evil sooner.

Apparently he's being “hysterical” and needs to “remain calm” while the officers are en route. Hunk thinks remaining calm while his neighbor is being murdered is asking quite a lot, actually, and tells the operator as much. She transfers him to someone else. 

It's a chilly night and it rained that morning so the knee of Hunk's jeans is soaked and making him shiver. He wishes he would brought a heavier jacket on his walk but in all fairness he couldn't have known he'd end up hiding in the bushes waiting for the police to show up.

He's trying to look on the bright side, at least the bushes don't have any thorns even if the leaves are wet and make his face itchy, when the angry shouting and frantic screaming stop. 

“Are you really making fun of me right now?” 

It's Shiro's voice and it's angrier than Hunk's ever heard a man sound. He really regrets the extra tea he'd had with dinner and gulps hard past the lump in his throat when realizes there was no response. At least not one that was loud enough to hear from the street. 

Hunk's never considered himself brave and, in fact, he's disavowed the concept of bravery entirely, but if there's any chance at all that his neighbor is still alive he needs to make sure he can tell the emergency responders where to go. His eyes are misted with tears and it's hard to see as he scrambles out of the bush and secret agent shuffles his way, half-crouched, to directly under the murder-window. He turns the call volume all the way down and stuffs his phone into his pocket to muffle any noise. 

The pathetic, gargled whimper he hears is a sound that will haunt him his entire life. (He realizes later that it absolutely will, but out of embarrassment, not grief) 

Shiro makes a disgusted noise in response and the mental image is horrifying. His heart breaks when he hears a tiny, confused whisper. “Papa? Why is daddy on the floor?” 

Hunk stuffs a hand in his mouth to hold back a sob when hears Keith wheeze again. Hunk is sure it can't get worse, can't get more brutal than it already is. And then Shiro responds.  

“He's being an absolute  _ brat _ right now, sweetheart. Let's ignore him and go play in the living room.” 

Hunk's beyond ashamed that he's too scared to rip the screen off the window and throw it open to go rescue his dying neighbor and get their kid out of that monster's hands, but he can't make his legs move. 

“Shir… Shiro,” he sounds like he's crying and Hunk's right there with him. “Please, I,” he's coughing and it sounds wet and pained. “I'm sorry.” 

Hunk darts out from under the window and runs. He can't listen anymore. All at once he’s sprinting out into the middle of the street, not caring if Shiro sees him from the window. He almost runs right into a police car. 

The realization makes his knees weak in equal parts relief and terror. He's pointing frantically at the house, at the window, and he's sobbing and babbling. It might not be too late. Keith and the baby might be ok. Everything might be ok. 

He learns quickly that everything was already ok, but the knowledge isn't as much of a balm as he'd like.

The officer unholsters his sidearm and bangs on the door. “Open up! Police!” 

Hunk's hiding behind the squad car now and his eyes go wide like dinner plates as Shiro opens the door. He's in sweatpants and a t-shirt and not covered in blood. The kid is peaking out from behind his legs with a popsicle in his mouth. 

Hunk isn't sure who's more confused, Shiro or himself. 

“Is, is there a problem, officer?” Shiro stammers innocently, moving to place himself more fully between the man with a gun drawn on him and the child behind his legs. He tries to usher the kid around behind the door but he's curled a fist into Shiro's pants and doesn't look like he intends to leave his father's side. 

“We received a call about a violent domestic disturbance at this location. Where is your spouse currently located?” Hunk has to hand it to the guy, he's extremely cool under pressure and doesn't seem to be falling for Shiro's father-of-the-year schtick. 

_ But where's all the blood?  _

“A violent…?” Shiro's face goes bright red as he trails off and for the first time Hunk considers maybe this was all a misunderstanding. 

There's a gun pointed in Shiro's face and Hunk wonders in an absent, horrified way if maybe he got the scar on his face and the prosthetic right arm in the military and that's why he's so calm. Shiro is calling for Keith and the kid has started sniffling because he's scared and Hunk feels like he's watching it all underwater. 

Keith's in a tank top and tight jeans and doesn't have so much as a bruise when he shows up at the door. The visceral horror of a brutal murder fades and the much more tangible and acute terror of making a  _ huge stupid mistake  _ fills Hunk's chest. He thinks that's the most embarrassed he'll ever be in his life, but he learns later that it's just the tip of the iceberg. 

Keith's face is twisted and then he all but collapses into the doorframe. The pained wheeze Hunk heard before makes a reappearance as Keith grasps his sides and shakes with almost silent laughter. The officer holsters his gun and turns to give Hunk a confused look. 

“It's a… it was a…” Keith can't talk because he can barely breathe and Hunk's only saving grace is that Shiro looks even more embarrassed than he feels. 

Shiro sighs and crosses his arms. “There was a, a spider. In the bedroom.” 

The officer cracks a smile. Shiro's face goes so red it's almost purple. “It was a really big spider, ok!?” 

“It really wasn't!” Keith gasps, body wracking with laughter.

Before Shiro can protest farther than giving his husband an affronted look, the radio on the officer's vest crackles. He's trying not to laugh while he gives a situation update and calls off the ambulance but he doesn't quite make it. 

Hunk certainly isn't laughing. Except he is, he realizes in abstract mortification. The lady on the phone might have been right about him being hysterical after all but he doesn’t reach into his pocket to tell her as much, figuring she’s probably already hung up by now. He pulls himself together while his neighbors and the officer stare at him like he's just grown another head. Clearing his throat, he makes his way up to the porch and offers a small wave in greeting. 

“Hey, hi, uh,” he should have thought this through but he's already talking so he can't take it back. “I'm Hunk, your neighbor. I'm… really sorry I thought you were a murderer.” 

It's the first time they've spoken since the Christmas barbeque months ago and it's beyond awkward. Keith is still laughing but he's actually breathing again now and manages to squeak out a  _ hi  _ before dissolving into giggles again. 

Shiro looks less amused. Hunk briefly worries he's about to get punched in the face by a metal arm but Shiro finally cracks a smile. “Well, better safe than sorry right?” His face matches the heat radiating off of Hunk's cheeks. 

“Since it's not actually illegal to kill bugs, I'll be leaving now. Gentlemen.” The officer nods to them, still smirking, and heads back to his car. Then he's driving off, leaving Hunk standing awkwardly on the porch of the man he'd just accused of murder. 

“Technically spiders aren't bugs, so,” Hunk chuckles out uncomfortably. His index fingers are poking each other in front of his chest and he's trying to make himself as small as possible. 

Shiro nods, equally as uncomfortable. “It's true, they're not.” 

“Arachnids!” The boy supplies helpfully from behind Shiro's legs.

Shiro’s face goes pale at the word and Hunk can sympathize. He’s not the biggest fan of spiders, either. 

Keith is gulping down ragged gasps of air and coughing, but he reaches out and puts a hand on Hunk’s shoulder. “Thank you so much. This has been the greatest night of my life.” 

  
The sincerity of the statement is almost touching, but right away Hunk questions the wisdom of the phrasing considering Keith is a married man with a child. Shiro’s faster on the processing than either of them and Hunk almost worries they might need that officer after all if his glare is anything to go by. Keith’s going to be sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable future at any rate. 

“Anyway, uh,” Hunk stammers. “I feel like, super terrible about all of this.” He can’t seem to keep himself from chuckling awkwardly between every few words. “I will make it up to with dinner or lunch or, or whatever you want really. I’m so embarrassed.” 

Shiro’s glare fades at his earnesty and Hunk decides that he really does have that heart of gold. “It’s really not a big deal. I may have,” he clears his throat and doesn’t look anywhere near Keith. “Slightly overreacted. Sorry for scaring you.” 

Keith looks like he wants to make a comment but he knows he’s already in the doghouse so he bites it back.

Hunk sighs, glad the situation resolved itself and that his neighbors are actually pretty cool despite their relative standoffishness. “Seriously, Saturday, my place, 6pm. I’m a chef, it’s gonna be,” he punctuates the statement with a kiss to the tips of his fingers. 

Shiro and Keith look back and forth between each other, having a brief wordless conversation. “Sounds good, Hunk, thanks,” Keith finally agrees. 

“Cool, good. Great. Well,” Hunk stands up straighter and stuffs his hands in his pockets. “I’ll just, uh, let you guys get back to uh, not murdering each other.” 

They both wish him a good night and send him off with another apology for the scare. Hunk’s halfway down the porch when he hears Keith howl with laughter again, a smack, and a disgruntled groan of pain. He hopes it was just a slap in the arm or something and decides not to investigate further. 


End file.
